SoftnBlack

"Am I the only one who doesn't quite remember being taught feminine embodiment before I was taught how to look nicely put together. I look at my daughter now, and I strive to teach her that being who she is, is enough. She’s quite confident, I can say that much so to her.. Wearing baggy jeans to wearing a beautiful prom gown doesn’t shift her perception of who she is in her femininity.

Whereas me, I can remember my fluctuating weight being called out by my mother. I can remember because I was walking around with a D-cup full of breasts because I was developing quickly and already a D-cup at 15.

Modesty and hiding my curveas more important than allowing me to embrace my curves and how to dress for my curves. I find in the black community as young girls we’re sexualized as we go through puberty.

If we’re well endowed and shapely at an early age you’re either made to hide and be modest or you’re exploited and flaunted. It’s never about learning how to love yourself inside and out. It’s never about truly understanding the chapter you’re walking into from a girl to a young woman..."

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Have you notice that it's difficult for you to make friends with other women? Or if you do have a friend or associate it eventually ends or fizzles out? You're starting to believe that you're the problem because it keeps happening. Well I'm hear to tell you sis.. you are in fact the reason. But don't be hard on yourself because it doesn't mean because you're the reason, you have to be the problem....

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We're not trying to be cruel 💔
But it's not enough to divide the pie...

Choosing you can feel like you're disappointing someone. So, let's remember not give so much of ourselves until we spread ourselves thin, depleted

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"...When did our softness, our sensuality, our presence…become something we felt like we had to work around instead of lean into?

Because somewhere along the way, especially as Black women, we started treating our feminine “woo” like it was a disadvantage… instead of the very thing that makes us powerful.

And instead of understanding it, we started measuring ourselves against men. Matching their tone. Matching their energy. Trying to prove that we were just as strong, just as worthy, just as valuable.

But here’s the truth…

We were never lacking power. We just weren’t taught how to use the kind we naturally have.

I remember the first time I got slapped by a boy.

And before you say anything—yes, my mouth was reckless when I was mad. I’m not even going to sit here and act like I wasn’t talking crazy. 😭Even, though that doesn't justify me getting slapped.

But I remember being called out of my name and immediately jumping in his face like I had something to prove. Like I had to show him I wasn’t the one, And my mother used to always tell me, “Stop getting in boys’ faces like that.” At the time, I thought she meant, be quiet… or don’t stand up for yourself. But what she really meant was…" Check the comments to continue

When you're not living in your softness...knowing self, being safe with self, and loving self.. you'll allow people to put whatever narrative on you and play into it.

"Well maybe I am over the top." "Maybe I am stand off-ish" "Maybe I am making people uncomfortable" When in reality you're being who you are which makes other people uncomfortable. It makes other people intimidated to approach. It even makes people feel like your light overshadows theirs and you're doing too much.

It's no longer your responsibility to fit in by shrinking, minimizing, or suppressing who you are. It's their responsibility to feel safe with themselves to rise to every occasion being the authentic version of themselves.



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