Beauty In Brokenness LLC

Parenting a young adult pt. 4

If you ever told me I would be in this space or see these notifications, I don’t know how I would’ve responded prior.

What makes me the saddest is knowing that all four voicemails I have on my phone to listen to my mom’s voice are all of her addressing something my son had done but she never got to see the young man he’s becoming. That makes me sad often.

Nevertheless, I woke up this morning to see that my Proverbs 22:6 has TRULY paid off.

My son reached out to me earlier in the week in some disappointment. But this disappointment was different. In the past, I have been in a space where I have watched him handle disappointment very poorly. And then for whatever reason I took it on and then I acted in frustration or anger to the way that he was responding to whatever was happening in his life. But the grace of God.

His disappointment was being removed from a leadership position. A leadership position that he was very proud of. And I’m just thankful that this time I didn’t blame it on him because that was a very common behavior that I engaged in was to assume that he had done something wrong.

This time I was able to guide him in regard to the reality that we do not need a leadership position in order to be leaders. Furthermore, whenever we are called as children of God we do have an expectation and a standard for how we engage in leadership before others.

So then I wake up this morning and see that he is fighting his way through this moment with the word of God.

IYKYK, there is a song that says this is how I fight my battles. Well, in this context, have we fought our battles this through the word of God. To make sure that our thoughts in our minds are in alignment with the word of God. And I’m so incredibly proud that on his own he was able to identify devotionals that would be able to help him with his disappointments.

I’m confident enough to say that it was the very foundation that I gave him in his relationship with Jesus Christ since he was born that allowed for him to come back to this place in his young adult years to be able to word of God and process these various disappointments and experiences through the word of God.

Big idea: A FOUNDATION IN GOD NEVER FAILS.

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HYDRATION!!!!!!!

OH MY GOODNESS.

I am listening to a training and I am just learning how much a lack of hydration really impacts the body:

1% dehydration slows our cognitive functioning.
3% dehydration slows our reflexes and our cognitive functioning to the point that it’s like some who is legally intoxicated.

🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

My mind is blown.

Stayed hydrated folks.

- The Beautifully Broken Therapist

Relaunch coming soon.

Our second session of anger management is coming up in April.

Please share!

Update

https://www.facebook.com/761449828/posts/10162826072174829/?mibextid=SDPelY

Parenting insight from a clinical perspective:

Yesterday I was leaving my home to do a session with a student. As I was leaving, I started to say out loud and so my teenager could hear me:

You know, it would be nice if…..

I never finished the sentence. It was in that moment that I recalled what I teach to parents when reviewing the skill of giving CLEAR instructions. Often times as parents or caregivers, we think our instructions are clear and even common sense. However, when I teach this skill I note that parents often miss two small yet critical pieces, there’s no timeframe attached to the expectation and sometimes we are giving cute suggestions rather than clear instructions.

Going even further, I recall that the statement I was making was just a cute suggestion. It really would’ve been nice for my living room to be cleaned when I got back home. I literally thought in my head, “You want a clean living room. Good for you”.

So, what I did was took a step back to provide clarity for my child because here’s what was going to happen:

1. I was going to give a statement that was really just wishful thinking: Oh it would be nice…
2. Because he likely didn’t have the same thought process he wasn’t going to do it. That was my wishful thinking. Not his.
3. When I returned home, we were going to be in conflict because I wished my living room was clean without giving a clear instruction, and I was going to become mad at him for doing something that by all means, I never actually instructed him to do.
4. I would’ve caused a moment of conflict in our relationship that’s completely unnecessary all because of my choice in words.

Instead, I stopped myself and thought about what I needed to do to be clear with my child. So, I have a clear instruction:

When I get home later, the living room needs to be cleaned.

The result: I came home and was happy upon arrival because my instruction was followed.

When we give our kids mixed messages, we’d be wrong to expect them to be compliant or follow an instruction that isn’t clear.

For example:

It’s ok that you ate all the ice cream, but it’s really not.

So which one is it? Are you ok thag I did this or are you mad?

Another one:

It’s ok that you left the house without permission, but it’s really not.

Again, is it ok or not? Can’t be both.

The best way to decrease parent and child conflict is to be clear.