How to Find the Right Partner

FORGIVE THE PAST

It is said and believed that we are the product of the past. How true is this statement? Man's present state of life is as a result of what he may have gone through in the time past, that is why is a wide-spread believe that the present state of man is the product of his past.
However, we either become good people or bad people base on how life has treated us but we should learn to forgive those horrible past that has not meaningful significant in our life.
We have defined relationship and life base on what we may have experienced, but the untold truth is that, "God allows us to meet few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the right person, we would know how to be grateful for that gift. Moreover, past could be a lesson, it could be a voice, and it could be a guide, therefore if it becomes a lesson, learn it and move on with the best frame of mind. If ur past becomes a voice, use it to enlighten the people, so that all and sundry will benefit from ur past, and if it be a guide, proudly walk in it and still be who u are.

Never let ur mind be ensnared by hurtful experiences of life, no man is worthy to share in the pot wounds of the past. To men, if u love her, don't treat her by the reason of ur hurtful past, never neglect her because u were neglected, never abandon her because u were abandoned, cherish the moment with her because she is made to be loved. Try as much as u can to build up trust, love and care for her no matter how many times u have been broken. Remember, she has given u a part of her she knows u can break, so treat her with honor, respect and pride.

To women, forgive those moments of ur life u gave all of u in a relationship only to be rewarded ungratefully, forgive those times ur effort to prove how far u can stand by him regardless of what happens only to be devalued. Forgive those times u sold ur pride as a woman just to make him understand ur readiness to spend ur life with him. He doesn't deserve u and he has missed the best of u. Be proud of urself, be proud of whom u have become and still radiate love to people that comes across. Still embrace love, all men can't believe like the past, and the past can't be the future, forgive the past and the best will always come ur way.

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*DON'T DISCUSS UR PAST RELATIONSHIP WITH UR PARTNER, ONLY THE FUTURISTIC ONES.

in truism, one of the signs of a true love and friendship is honesty and transparency, but truth must be told, we often times creat monster or even a deadly beast in our relationship by being too honest and transparent in discussing our past relationship with our partner. We have gone in the path of truth in exposing our vulnerability to our partner in letting them know about our past. There is no legality or law that obliges u to discuss such irrelevant issues with them. For goodness sake, he/she didn't know about the past before accepting to be with u, so why giving him/her a reason to judge u? Even the holy scripture said, "if a man is in Christ, he is a new creature, old things have passed away and all things have become new." In other words, if a man is a new relationship, old things have passed away, all things have become new. Remember he/she loves u for the present, he/she believes u for what they see and they have made up their mind to be with u for the present and not for the past, so why creating irrelevant memories that can jeopardize ur relationship? Why giving ur partner the reason to judge u? Why creating room for doubt and disbelieve?

As a lady, don't allow a man to force u into telling him the awful experience of how u lost ur virginity or possibly discussing how many men u have slept with, that doesn't make u a wise woman. If truly loves u, he loves u for the present u and not for the past. The danger of letting ur partner into the past is that, ur mistake might be misconstrued and definitely be used against u over any slightest provocation.

However, if u must discuss past memories, and experiences with ur partner, it must be on futuristic purposes. What do I mean? It implies those memories or event that happened in the past which has devastating effect on the future if not discussed, for instance
*U had a child in ur past relationship
*Perhaps any blood disease should also be discussed if there is any.
*Infertility should also be discussed if anyone among the partners realized he/she can't perform very well.
There is no point being reticent about the matter mentioned above provided it has a back clash if not exposed, so it will be of great help and imperative if the people involve understand themselves better.
Nevertheless, anything order than the things that has futuristic elements shouldn't be discussed in a relationship.

*KNOW WHEN THE RELATIONSHIP IS OVER*

One thing is to be in a relationship, another thing is to know when the relationship is over. U fall in love with ur heart and not with ur senses. Sticking to an expired relationship makes u less who u are, vying for a position in someone's heart when u ought to say goodbye makes u a big fool of the century. I have been in different relationship and I knew how it started and how it ended.

Often times people don't formally end a relationship, especially when u are beneficial to them, that's why it's expedient for u to know when to withdraw. U are in love with someone who doesn't care, they don't give u attention, they don't plan their life with u, they don't answer ur calls, neither do they return ur calls. Most times they become too busy to chat u up online, u sent them message, they don't reply and if u asked why? U are confronted with flimsy excuses. Most of ur calls are busied and yet u stick to the same person, "can't u see the relationship is over?".

My dear, know how to place value on urself. True love gives attention, and it creates time out of tight schedules, true love cares, and at all time it protects it own. Don't be deceived with I love u yet u struggle to earn a place in their heart.

If the person wants u, ur happiness and time would be their priority. There is no how ur partner will prioritize the company of other people to urs, that can only happen when the heart of love has gone out of it place. Like I said earlier, "learn how to place value on urself."
How do u explain it as a lady, the only time he has ur time us when he is sexual aroused and he needed to satisfy himself? How do u explain it either as a man, ur girl would only call u pet names only when she needs a favour from u? My dear wise up!, That relationship is fake, if u are not cared for, it is totally not worth it if u still struggle to earn a place in the heart of ur partner. Staying more than expected in a broken relationship thinking it might be fixed is the biggest mistake one would ever make. Walk out from that relationship and earn urself some respect, yes it will hurt but later u will realized u deserve more than what u were given. But if ur relationship is legally binded, pls do the best u can to fix it.

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*LOVE-HATE IN RELATIONSHIP*

Does it really matter how u are treated in a relationship? Yes!, It does, because we best understand how our partner feels about us by the way they treat us. But there is a panic-stricken fact in a relationship most people have failed to understand, often times we consider them as inappropriate exhibition of love, however, whatever name u chose to call it can only be explained in one term "LOVE-HATE."
Now the question is "does LOVE-HATE exist in a relationship? Yes it does. LOVE-HATE in a relationship is mostly understood when there is equality in love and hate. What do I mean? Ur partner loves u much as he/she hates u. Ur partner feels happy when u are around but at any slightest provocation or argument, he/she set the emotion ablaze. At some point, u wonder if truly u are loved, yes u are loved and that's the truth, just that the proportion of his/her love equates equal to the hate

*How do u know their is LOVE-HATE in a relationship?*

*Jealousy:- jealousy is one of the things u see in a relationship battling with LOVE-HATE. Ur partner wouldn't want to see u with anyone, he/she would love to have u all to themselves and he/she would fight in making sure they secure their place in ur life not minding how their Partner will feel. When it comes to their relationship, they are more or less self-centered. Pls don't misconstrue jealousy as a bad sign because every true love must have atom of jealousy but excess of it without minding how ur partner will feel is an act of LOVE-HATE.

*Nagging:- this is another factor one need to know about LOVE-HATE in a relationship. In a situation ur partner complains practically on everything that happens, in fact they sees nothing good in all u do, and it seems ur best isn't enough. If u are experiencing such thing in ur relationship, have it in mind ur partner is loving u just as he/she hates u.

*Short time fight:- Another sign of LOVE-HATE in a relationship is short time fight but very fatal, ur partner beats u at any slightest provocation, perhaps over frivolous matters, he/she bounds on u when u ever try to oppose their idea, but one significant thing about this fight is that it doesn't last. No matter how fatal it could be, there is always atmosphere of love and peace. So if u are in such situation, ur relationship is nothing but LOVE-HATE.

*Kindness:- don't be surprised, a relationship with LOVE-HATE mostly care for each other since the proportion of hate is equal to love.


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*THE THREE D'S IN A RELATIONSHIP*

This is another thing we need to know about a relationship. If u are truly observant, u will know that every successful relationship has 3D's which it peddles on. What are the 3D's component in a relationship? At the end of this write up, u will know the 3D's component every relationship must have to succeed.
Now the first D is decision

*Decision:- Decision making is very important, not only in our business also in our relationship with people. Decision is a test of readiness and willingness to face whatever challenge that may crop up in ur relationship, when u lose this decision aspect of relationship, u will continue to lose good people in ur life, sometimes u may see urself as being unlucky in a relationship, but the truth is, u have failed in a taking up a decision process which is mostly required in a relationship. Little wonder at the alter, the preacher before joining two people together as one, would go a long way in asking them question, to ascertain their readiness and willingness to be together, that's DECISION. So have u decided? If truly relationship is still fun, please choose a hobby, relationship is not for u.

*Dedication:- This is another D component which is the second D component in a relationship. Having decided, it is expedient u dedicate all u have. Dedication means putting in ur best in ensuring a profitable outcome, u can't have what u want in a relationship if u fail to commit and dedicate urself to it. Any relationship that wants to stand the test of time must dedicate itself to the best

*Determination:- this is the third D component every relationship must have. Having decided to be with ur partner, u dedicate urself in making it work not only that, u must have the determination to be supportive in whatever capacity u can. Determination is much more than to say I love u, is much more than to say I will be with u forever. Promises of being with ur partner comes more reliable when proven with action, being there for them, fighting through crucible ordeal together and still coming out strong together. Determination keeps u ahead when things are not right in ur relationship, determination holds u on from falling. If truly love someone u have to decide to be there forever, then dedicate to fulfill what u have decided to do and be forever determine to achieve. With this u will have a joyous relationship.

These are the 3D's component in a relationships

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*EMOTIONAL BANKRUPTCY*

Most relationship and marriages has gone in the way of emotional bankruptcy. How do u feel when u realize that there is no money in ur account to dispense? Isn't that awkward? The same thing applies to relationship. Most relationships and marriages in our society has lost it fragrance of love as a result of emotional bankruptcy. However, emotional bankruptcy is the lost of emotional feeling, love and attraction in a relationship. But the question is, what can cause emotional bankruptcy? Many reason could be why people loses love and feeling for their partner in a relationship and it comes as a result of ill feeling which has overwhelmed the blazing fire of love.

**Causes of emotional bankruptcy**

*Love built with lies:- One of the thing that causes emotional bankruptcy in relationship is lies, love built on lies. Often times relationship mostly founded on lies are likely to face emotional bankruptcy, and it cause when the hidden truth unveils. Lying to someone who u truly love is not far from backstabbing. Why would u lie to someone who has given part of their to u? Yes, lies may bond up the relationship but the devastating effect of the lies is unspeakable. Therefore to avoid emotional bankruptcy in a relationship, be truthful, be transparent, be honest, be sincere and u will have a harmonious relationship.

*Infidelity:- another thing that can lead to emotional bankruptcy is infidelity. Even the holy scripture made it clear that any man that can take on his responsibility in a home is much worst than an infidel. Not doing what is right at the right time has a way of infiltrating emotional bankruptcy in a relationship. Be u the man or woman, ur role must be rightly done if truly u need a peaceful relationship. U can relinquish ur duty to someone else and still expect the same taste of love. Any time u give room to a second person in taking up ur responsibility, truly u have given room to emotional bankruptcy. So, tighten up ur end as a wo

*ANGER A DANGEROUS TOOL IN A RELATIONSHIP*

Speaking as a religious person, the scripture made it known that anger lies in the heart of fools. Speaking as a scholar, anger is an enemy to human unity. Through series of life and time, there have never been a time anger produces anything good in a relationship, and that's why it has to be considered as an enemy in relationship. Is true man as creature is fallible, and bound to make mistakes and most times result to anger and rancour in a relationship, but having understanding of why and what happened is a better way to resolve crises in a relationship. Most of us have done something we have lived to regret all the days of our life just because we gave room to anger.
"I shouldn't have done that." "I shouldn't have acted the way I did." This is the word we use when we are embattled with our conscience after allowing anger to take the better part of us, but the truth remains the deal has been done and ur regret can never undo what has be done.

Must relationship has ended over a slight mistake which could have been handled with love. Yes u have every reason to be angry when u are hurt, u have every right to say how u feel when u think ur partner isn't getting it right but why taking unnecessary decision and action just because u are hurt? U are hurt, yes is understandable, but why setting the whole relationship ablaze? Don't take decision when u are hurt, because u might live to regret every step of it.
If we must live to enjoy our relationship with our partner, it is expedient we device a machanism in conflict resolution, and one of the best way to do that is to talk things over.

If ur partner hurt u, tell the person how bad he/she has acted. Try as much as u can to convince the person in believing they have wrong. They can only apologize when they realize truly they have wrong. U can not assume that he/she knows what to do, ur assumption might be right and also wrong. Don't give room to anger, because is a parasite to a healthy relationship



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*Why Do People Lie in a Relationship?*

Most people lie in a relationship for reason best known to them, and these has been the question on everyone's lips, "why do people lie in a relationship?".
Most people find it difficult to believe what other people say due to hurtful experience which they had in the past, but the truth remains their are still people who would rather die than to fake what they feel.
I have truly, by analytical means draw some reasonable factors why most people lie in a relationship, though it might not really be 100% accurate but not far from the rim of truth.

*Pleasure:- it is funny to say that most people often lie in a relationship for fun, they choose to lie just for the pleasure it gives seeing their partner kept out from the truth. Most times it has become part of their daily life that they find it difficult to say the truth

*Inferiority complex:- inferiority complex is another reason most people lie in a relationship, they rather keep the truth away from their Partner than to face the humiliation in letting then know the truth. They are not truthful to themselves and as well never will they appear clean before their Partner.

*Indecision:- some people in a relationship don't really have the self will over the things they do. They can't really stand firm to a decision, therefore choose to lie so as not to look cheap before their Partner.

*Pretence:- some people believe no relationship without lie, it might sound like truth but fallacious. Pretence is another reason most people lie in a relationship. U pretend to feel what isn't real, or pretend to be who u are not then cover it up with lies.

However, no true relationship strife with lies, truth and honesty is the bedrock with which every genuine relationship anchors. Notwithstanding, the above points or facts may not be 100% accurate but worthy of consideration.

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*Factors in Choosing a Right Partner*.

Finding the person who u will spend the rest of ur life with is really a difficult task and it has become an insatiable quest in the mind of the youth of the nation who are in search of a peaceful relationship. But the question still remain, "Is their really a right man for a right woman?" I believe many will say yes and I won't say No to it either, however there are considerable factors one needs to consider before choosing a partner, though it does not guaranteed an infallible relationship but it will help in finding a peaceful relationship. Before I start pointing out this factors, remember I said they are not sure way of having and infallible relationship hence man is an imperfect being.
Having said that, here are the factors

*Communication compatibility:- communication in a relationship is more than what calls can take and words can explain, it entails having mutual understanding of ur partner. Believe me, how healthy the communication line is determine how harmonious the relationship will be.
How best do u communicate with ur partner?
How best do ur partner communicate when angered?
How best do ur partner respond to ur emotional feeling?
How compatible is ur partner in sharing an idea and feeling? Ur answers will tell if u are really with the right person.

*Social compatibility:- Even the holy scripture asked a rhetoric question, "can two walk together unless they agreed?" Definitely two people with different view about life may not fit together as partner. It is imperative to say, in finding a partner it must be one who shares the same view and ideas about life with u. He/she feels what u feel, he/she thinks like u do and act like u do. Is truly difficult to find but really enjoyable if eventually found.

*Financial compatibility:- this is really another factor one needs to consider in choosing a partner. Having a wealthy partner does not guaranteed u have the right person, having someone who is financially compatible with u entails having someone who is willing and capable to assist in financial distress. Financial compatibility is truly having someone who will always be there both in good time and in bad time, someone who will give a shoulder to lean on. I hope u will find the special one.

I so much believe that with this factors considered, u will definitely have a harmonious home and peaceful relationship with ur partner. U can still drop a comment on what u feel one can do in choosing a partner.

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