Ashley Jackson Beauty

It is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. 🎀

This October looks totally different to me than it ever has before.

I discovered my cancer by doing a self-exam at home.

I was two years past the recommended age to begin mammograms, + when I finally had my first one, it confirmed the mass I had found.

I remember asking my doctor once, “How will I know?”

They looked at me + said, “Oh, you will just know.”

+ I did.

After about a week of denial, I contacted my doctor. Not long after, it was confirmed that I had breast cancer.

Now, I am almost completely done with chemotherapy, with a long season still ahead of me filled with surgeries + radiation + more...

So this October, my reminder is a very personal one.

Do the self-exam. Know what your breasts normally look + feel like. Pay attention when something changes. + if something doesn’t feel right, make the appointment.

Self-exams don’t replace mammograms or recommended screenings, but knowing your own normal matters.

Put your hands on your b***s, ladies. 😉🎀

📸 Nilaya Lourdes

It’s still me in here. 🤍

People are constantly checking in + asking how I’m doing…

My reply is, “I’m doing really good.” With a big smile.

Because that’s genuinely how I’m doing.

I’m doing really good because I am taking aggressive ownership of my health in a way that I never have before.

…it’s become so much of who I am on an everyday basis.

I think so much of that gives permission to take charge of every part of life. To really boil things down to the importance of this versus that.

What matters.
What doesn’t.
What deserves your energy.
What doesn’t anymore.

The ripple effects of this season have reached so much further than my health.

…maybe it’s because my mind keeps being attracted to the more beautiful things that are coming out of it.

So when someone asks me how I’m doing…

How could I be anything other than good?

🤍
✌🏽

😌I’ve gone from feeling bad to feeling grateful.

In this season, I have had to reschedule hundreds of appointments over the last couple of months. My schedule has been all over the place + for the foreseeable future, it probably still will be.

The old me, in reflection, would have felt so bad every single time I had to move someone. I would’ve apologized over + over. Felt guilty. Felt like I was inconveniencing people.

But in this season, I’m learning to just say thank you.

Thank you for being flexible.
Thank you for being open + receptive.
Thank you for being supportive.
Thank you for understanding that right now, my schedule sometimes has to change.

Because it is a gift that my clients have allowed me the space to navigate this season while still doing the work that I love.

Maybe there are seasons where we don’t need to keep saying I’m sorry.

Maybe sometimes we just need to say thank you. 🤍

…I thought I was intentionally planting a watermelon seed.

+ as the vine began to grow, taking over what is now quite literally a third of my backyard, I thought, here it comes.

I watched the flowers begin to open, expecting life to burst from them + eventually produce a glistening watermelon.

Turns out, they’re pumpkins. 🎃

Which I did NOT intentionally plant.

…there’s something about that.

I was expecting life to be produced one way.

✨I thought I knew what was growing.
✨I thought I knew what those flowers would eventually become.
✨I thought I knew what the fruit of what I planted would look like.

…life was produced still.

Just not the way I intended.

+ it’s still amazing.

It just looks different.

Let that sink in.

📸 Nilaya Lourdes