Bella Soma

People think abuse is easy to recognise because they imagine verbal attacks, physical threats, explosive rage, intimidation, and someone screaming directly in your face. And yes, that is abuse. That is the obvious version. That is the version people can point at and say, “This is wrong.” But the dangerous part is that abuse does not always enter your life loudly. Sometimes it comes dressed as helplessness, support, concern, love, and “I am only trying to help you.” Sometimes a narcissist will never ask for money directly. They will act so helpless, so stressed, so scared, so unable to cope, that you start offering money yourself. Now they did not ask, so they can still look innocent. But you are paying. You are rescuing. You are becoming responsible for their crisis. Sometimes they rush you to combine finances, open a joint account, share passwords, or give them access to your funds early in the relationship. They call it trust, but it is access. They call it commitment, but it is control.

Sometimes they offer to “help” you manage your money, but slowly they start deciding what you can spend, what you can keep, what you can save, and what you must explain. Sometimes they create emergencies so you feel forced to pay fast, without thinking, without questioning, without seeing the pattern. And once they get access, they do not just take your money. If this feels familiar, join my Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse membership program. I created this space to help survivors understand these patterns clearly, rebuild emotional clarity, regulate their nervous system, and stop feeling alone in what they are experiencing. It is open only for three days. The link is in my bio.